I rated The Mummy (2017) 1/10 #IMDb

Just awful. ‘Show, don’t tell’ should’ve been the mantra. The endless exposition of backstory and rationale for circumstances and events is tedious and pompous.

None of the characters are credible or engaging. Not even the mummy herself.

There’s so little flow and connection between scenes that it’s almost as if the producers for each one scripted by independent cells of writers. Then they dumped each chunk in the director’s inbox and said ‘stitch it together’. The result is The Mummy 2017. A horrible Frankenstein’s monster of a movie with no redeeming features.

I will caveat this review by saying I could suffer less than an hour of it. Seeing the risible bar scene and mummy victim reanimation reminded me how important vacuuming my staircase was in comparison.

Just don’t go near this.

I rated Wonder Woman 9/10 #IMDB

This is the movie that Batman, Superman, and the risible Batman V Superman could, and should, have been.

From the start this is a remarkable DC superhero movie. Real characters. Real people. And real challenges.

The opening scene of Diana getting Bruce Wayne’s ‘I know who you are’ message is very neat and not verycstalker-ey. Then the shift to the origin story is something that any number of tedious ‘reboots’ could learn a thing from: there’s a reason to look to the past here.

Diana’s upbringing sets the scene for her complex approach to war very well. Partly because it is tough and idyllic. And partly because we know she will lead a different life from her amazon family.

Her rescue of Chris Pine is superb. Genuine heroism captured in a handful of short scenes.

Gal Gadot IS Wonder Woman. A tough role to play and she is convincing.

I was so pleased to see Chris Pine play a brilliant support role to her. Yes, sure, he is Kirk at times and in being so he does a great job of complementing Gadot’s excellent Diana.

I really liked the ‘it’s a bit more complicated than that’ good vs evil precept to the story that Pine espouses and Gadot realises. A nice complex twist from most superhero stuff.

I heard some parallels being drawn with Capt. America. Sure it’s set in a world war. Yes, the ‘German’ villains are present and magically/scientifically enhanced. But this is more serious and somewhat more definitive in its approach.

Well worth seeing and despite an earlier ‘8/10’ my daughter reasoned me up to 9/10. This is a superhero movie to watch.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0451279

I rated Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge 7/10 #IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1790809

Almost relentless action and a long duration makes this a little tiring. But it is a sterling Pirates movie. Johnny Depp is on form as an hilarious and convincing Capt. Jack Sparrow.

Though Pirates movies could get as formulaic as Bond it is hard to imagine someone else playing Sparrow. Depp has it down.

The introduction of new characters and extended legends is done well. And the passing of the age of Pirates into near history is smart.

There’s enough backstabbing, parlay, and legendary nonsense to make it amusing, reassuring, and very entertaining.

I found the politeness and manners of the various cut throats as funny as ever. As well as the ridiculous slapstick stupidity of Sparrow and his weirdly loyal crew.

More real Pirates fun. You’ve sort of seen it before and this new chapter adds to the enduring appeal of this series. Funny, romantic, a little scary for some, and very entertaining if you give yourself up to it.

I rated King Arthur: Legend of the Sword 6/10 #IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1972591

Not sure I’ve seen a great King Arthur film since Excalibur. I’m still waiting.

This is a laddish caper-like movie with strong touches of The Lord of the Rings. There’s a lot to enjoy. The unreliable accounts of antics in ‘Londinium’ to the black legs are amusing. The wheeling and dealing establishes Arthur as a king o’ the people. And some of the fighting and fleeing scenes are marvellous. But it is all in an overly long rambling jumble of action flick meets sword and sorcery via geezer culture flow.

The Mage’s animal magic is done well. Sufficiently so that it really suspends disbelief. The cuts and acting and effects could be a good reference for a future Judge Anderson PSI Division movie.

It’s long, it has some great moments, but it is no epic and is not legendary. See it if you’re passing.

I rated Alien:Covenant 3/10 #IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2316204

If you liked Prometheus then this might be your cup of tea.

To me this was just more lazy Scooby Doo in space pompous SciFi.

This unnecessary blah blah follows the events in Prometheus.

Pompous? When a supposedly human-like android walks robotically, speaks robotically, and has words like ‘ambulate’ in conversation with its creator it’s not a good sign. Using ‘Ambulate’ instead of ‘get up and walk’ is a signifier of pompous sci-fi if ever there was one. That’s the opening scene. It gets worse, so much worse, from there.

The crew of the big colonising ship ‘whatever it’s called doesn’t matter to you by now’ wake up to chaos. This follows a ‘neutrino storm’ that’s overpowered the grid or some tosh while ‘Walter’, a newer version of Prometheus’s ‘David’, had the charging sails out. By this time you know that most of these people are doomed and this is a lazy regurgitation of a lot of Alien.

It has all the face huggers, xenomorphs, crafty mad androids, and hopeless, poorly-trained, and highly unprofessional cannon-fodder/crew you’d expect.

I didn’t give it less than 3/10 because despite all the pompous nonsense, the woeful transparent plot, and limited characters it does have a few good moments of action and tension. But it just isn’t worth it for those alone.

Just ignore it and hope it and any subsequent drivel like it goes away.

I rated Miss Sloane 8/10 on #IMDB

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4540710

A political thriller with engaging characters and some suitably devious activities. Well worth seeing.

With most characters in this movie appearing morally flexible and involved in one of the greatest shows on earth there’s a lot to explore. Jessica chastain’s Miss Sloane is confident and generally composed. Only cracking convincingly in a few places.

The remaining cast is well put together. Mark Strong as a principled lobbyist (?) does very well. Especially in his difficult role of bringing Miss Sloane in and then dealing with some of the problems that arise.

The senators are played suitably sharply. John Lithgow does a great job as the morally compromised inquisitor. Spoiler? Come on, it’s a movie about politics that features people in power. Such characters can’t be anything but morally equivocal at best.

It zips along with its intrigue and entertains brilliantly. Go see it.

I rated Mindhorn 5/10

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4799064

Just as you’d expect. A great idea rendered amusing by being executed.

There are some edgily real things portrayed among the obvious humour and farce. Mindhorn’s faded acting career, strange confidence, and boorishness are persuasive.

At times the characters are oddly real. Windjammer played by Steve coogan is credible and obnoxious. And Simon farnaby is comical throughout. But then other parts are just like they’re out of the TV shows the movie parodies.

Amusing but its parody/reality mashup didn’t hit the mark consistently enough for me to really enjoy the whole thing. There are some very funny moments that redeem some of the more awkward bits.

Made for TV.